I've felt without purpose for awhile. In between my part-time jobs, I am anticipating the next. So, I have been working, or looking forward to working, and planning how to work my everyday chores around my job. Now, I am jobless...except for a courrier job for 3 hours two days a week. Now, I have more time on my hands to do the projects I have put off...to clean...to 'home-make'. So, why don't I?
I can't say I'm bored. When there are so many possibilities of things I could do, and so many things that really need to be done, bored is just not right. I clean a little, read a little, eat a little....but am still found wanting. Why?
Perhaps it's the tenuous nature of our lives right now. Maybe it's the unknown. I don't think it's fear, for I know God provides. Could be guilt. Guilt that Jim is looking for full-time work and I am not even looking could be blocking some of my daily joy. I could be robbing myself of joy? Well, yes, that's usually who does it...we do it to ourselves.
On our dog-walk this morning, the word LULL just rushed at my brain and penetrated! I am in a lull, as in the lull before a storm where you can't really do too much or go too far because a storm is coming. Something is coming, indeed, and I have much to do to get ready. I have made a list of my own personal money-saving ideas and realized, if done properly, the savings can purchase TWO plane tickets for me and Jim. Or, the money could go toward paying the cable bill for a year. Either way, it's a start.
I am planning baby-quilts and looking at material, something that's been on hold while working. I am picking up my writing exercises and looking at my violin. Maybe that's what the lull is for...getting my creative juices flowing again. There is much to do, achem...there is alot of FUN and JOY to be had...mine for the taking!
After the babies come, I will look for full-time work. But, I will remain open to the voice of the Lord, who can change my plans to line up with His, in an instant! Lord, continue to fill me daily and help me make good use of this lull!
